Hello Hinge

Hey! I’m Art. Quick stats: 31M, FiDi, 5’8” / 172cm, INTJ, substance-free, 1 very good dog, 0 kids, open to kids, liberal, not religious, no dietary restrictions.

Background

I’m from America culturally, Thailand ethnically, China racially, and England geographically. I was born in the UK and then lived for a few years each in places ranging from 10,000 to 14,000,000 people: Boston, Worcester, Charlottesville, Walla Walla, some small towns in New Hampshire, and Bangkok. My longest stay by far has been in Pittsburgh for most of my adult life, so I guess that’s where I’m from now?

I speedran college in 2.5 years, which ended up being my longest stint at any single school. Five of my seven grade schools were Catholic even though my parents are devoutly Buddhist. I’m Duolingo employee #32 and have worked there for 11 years. I moved to NYC in December 2024.

Who am I

Some unusual things about me:

• I’ve continuously recorded my daily activities by hand since I was 17.
• I haven’t posted anything on social media in 14+ years. I’ve never used TikTok.
• I almost never cried as a baby or toddler. I’m still not much of a yapper.
• I quit alcohol at 21 and now avoid all psychoactive drugs, even caffeine.
• I wear the same outfit most days: black T-shirt, dark jeans, white sneakers.
• I normally travel with only a backpack regardless of trip length or location.
• I like eating socially but am also totally fine subsisting on meal replacement shakes.
• I play and teach music but never put it on for myself—too distracting.

More direct characterization:

• I play volleyball 1-3 times a week, climb with friends maybe once a month, and hit the basement gym most other days. I’ve played guitar, piano, and/or tuba at home and in local orchestras for an average of 30+ minutes daily since childhood.
• Going out is all well and good, but I also thoroughly enjoy being a homebody. Lying in bed doing our own thing or something together or each other is pretty great. Clubs and raves aren’t really for me.
• My parents stressed over money and being raised mostly by my quite traditional dad was the epitome of tough love. I’m working through that stuff and I’ve been told that significant progress has been made—even if I have to actively remind myself that compliments are a thing and relaxation is morally okay, for example.
• Speaking of compliments: different friends have told me “you’re the [smartest / funniest / most [patient / soft-spoken / conscientious]] person I know” at one point or another. It’s true that men remember compliments forever! Perhaps the main takeaway here is that I have some embarrassingly kind friends.
• I can be a little funny about touch. Maybe that’s another childhood holdover? I do hug friends and high-five volleyball teammates because we live in a society dammit, but I’d be perfectly fine without those rituals. Within a relationship, though, touch is extremely important to me and I don’t have a limit. The more the better.
• You’re not the first internet rando to suspect that I’m on the spectrum. I’m definitely not normal but I can simulate it well enough to not be considered overtly weird.

Who are you

Based on past relationships and what I’ve learned about myself, I think I work best with a partner who also:

• Tries to do the right thing. I once had a therapist tell me he’d never seen anyone else agonize so much over that. The wrong thing is easy, and easy is entirely unsatisfying.
• Values knowledge and perspective… basically, someone who reads. It doesn’t have to be literal books.
• Hates conspicuous consumption / keeping up with the Joneses.
• Is more of a nerd than a jock.
• Minds their health. Matching my level of sobriety certainly isn’t needed or expected, but some form of exercise would be good. No smoking please.
• Cares about their occupation. I don’t mean hustling. I just hope you’re spending your time on something you enjoy and find meaningful.
• Has some shared hobby to do together, even if it’s as basic as watching a show we both like. There’s only so much to chat about on restaurant dates.
• Gives the benefit of the doubt. If we default to believing in good intentions, conflicts are much easier to resolve or avoidable altogether.
• Understands trauma. I mean, this one is actually pretty nonessential and even something of an anti-criterion since I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but real hardship is the most effective teacher of humility, gratitude, patience, and empathy—for me, at least. If you’ve acquired those in a more pleasant way, that’s all the better!

What next

I’m happy to skip the texting games and just meet you in person ASAP somewhere around your neighborhood or workplace! I will most likely not kiss you on the first date no matter how attractive I find you (see section above regarding touch). Signal / WhatsApp is slightly more reliable than SMS.

I’ll offer an activity and a time or two as dictated by social custom and gender roles, but really I’m down to do any of the following at any free time on my personal calendar: ice cream, coffee, lunch, dinner, walking/sitting in a park.